One Love
by Lady Louboutin
Summary: Kel humiliates herself at Raoul & Buri's wedding, and must now live with herself... But was it such a bad thing after all? K/D
1. Chapter 1

_Can anybody help me? I'm out of plans... Guess I left my world in somebody's hands... I don't like to hurt but everyone gets weak... Someone to rely on, that's what I really need_- David Guetta ft Estelle –One Love

Lady Knight Keladry of Mindelan stood atop New Hope's walls, surveying the land beyond in the dusky pink twilight. The mid-spring evening was pleasant, and Kel, alone for the first time in what felt like a very long time to her, relished the peace and quiet of the evening, deeply inhaling the woody scents of the forest surrounding New Hope. Her hazel eyes were dreamy, her skin chapped from the hard winter she and the residents of New Hope had endured, and her outward composure was calm and relaxed, though her hand never strayed far from the hilt of her sword, Griffin. She may have looked the epitome of calm, but this was not so.

Lady Keladry of Mindelan was absolutely furious.

_Stupid, STUPID IDIOT! _She mentally screamed to herself over and over again. _Why, WHY did you have to have that stupid glass of date wine at Raoul and Buri's wedding?! WHY?! Now the whole of Third Company hates me because I can't keep my stupid mouth shut when I have the liquor in me! _

It hadn't been that bad, really. Kel, like the rest of the knights, infantry and foot soldiers as well as the king, queen and assorted well disguised nobility, had been present at Fort Mastiff for the grand double war-time wedding of Neal and Yuki, Raoul and Buri. It was at the celebration dinner, however, after Kel had finished serving as the 'best lady' for Neal and had made her speech that things had become bad.

_Weddings invitations really should have warnings attached to them like 'Don't have a glass of wine if you are lonely and need someone to share your little insignificant life moments with' or 'Don't wear a dress if you don't usually because certain men will get ideas' or how about 'Don't choose the moment of prayer of thanks to Mithros and the Goddess at the end of the banquet, when you are absolutely, ridiculously drunk on two glasses of wine, to announce to the whole gathering that you are in love with Domitan of Masbolle!'_

Kel's Yamani-calm slipped then, and a fat angry tear rolled down her cheek. She had made a complete fool of herself- Kel, the calm, patient, steady, reliable Kel. She wiped the tear away, and turned her face up to the breeze, and last rays of the sun for the day. She had just wanted somebody to be able to talk to, share the stupid mundane, silly things of everyday life with, and she had honestly believed that Dom was that person for her. Though most of the gathering hadn't heard her drunken proclamation, those that mattered most to Kel had, and it was those people's faces that burned into her mind each time she closed her eyes- Neal's shocked face which was rapidly turning red, Raoul, Buri and Yuki's look of pure ecstacy for their friend, Merric, Seaver and Esmond's exchanged look of surprise, followed by acceptance, and Dom's look of... confusion... Oh well. It would be months until she would run into Dom again, hopefully by then this whole stupid mess will have blown over.

_And Dom will probably have found some other pretty lady to occupy his time with while he is stationed in Riversedge_ a nasty voice niggled her

"KELADRY" Fanche's voice bellowed from below, cutting through Kel's unpleasant reverie.

"Yes Fanche?" Kel turned, glad for the purple sky which hid her tear-blotched face.

"I said, Sir Merric requested that you present yourself at the council meeting in the mess hall now, and that you leave young Abel here to run his own watch. Also, Tobe wanted to let you know that he, Gydo and Meech were in the stables with the others, to help mend tack and clean your and the others equipment because Tobe said you didn't have much time for it at Mastiff, what with the weddings and the meetings and what not." Fanche turned and walked off, shouting over her shoulder "Chin up Kel- it's about time that you realised your feelings for the young sergeant! There is a reason for everything."

They had only been back a few hours from Mastiff and it seemed that now everyone in New Hope knew about Kel's stupid drunken behaviour. As she trudged down the stairs and along the beaten path to the mess, Kel tucked her emotions away behind her Yamani mask, and pulled her loneliness and anger into a tight bundle and shoved it as far away as it would go. Steeling herself, she walked into the mess, only to walk into the trouble she had hoped she had left far behind.

Please R & R! At least ONE review and I promise the next chapter will be up within two days of that review!


	2. Chapter 2

**Thank you to my beautiful gorgeous reviewers! You made my day! Here is the second chapter as requested **** - Also, please read my A/N down the bottom!**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing except the plot and a few random characters, who would not exist if it were not for TP anyway!**

**ENJOY**

*******

_Now I could try and fix this all by myself, but I know it'd turn out better if you help- _One Love- David Guetta ft Estelle

Kel sat at the head of the long wooden table in the mess, fingering the design on her sword hilt. To her right sat Neal with his wife Yuki, who, despite all of Neal's dramatic protests and tantrums, had remained in the warzone of Northern Tortall. Her more sensible, rational argument was that winter was setting in and the Scanran's would be highly unlikely to attack New Hope. Further down the table sat Merric, joking with the watch captain, and a few of the sergeants. Fanche and Saefas sat on Kel's left with the other members of the New Hope council. Many of them spoke in hushed tones, avoiding Kel and her glare. Abel, one of the newer sergeants, entered and shut the door behind him, taking a spot at the opposite end of the table, next to one of the scribes.

"All is well milady," he nodded to Kel, and then busied himself with pouring a cup of cider.

"Right, well I guess we can begin then. Merric?" Kel looked towards her fellow knight.

"Lord Raoul and Lady Buri send their deepest thanks and gratitude for the beautiful wedding tokens from the people of New Hope, which was loved by everyone at the ceremony. I believe New Hope would become quite bustling trade town should its inhabitants turn their efforts towards wedding jewellery," Merric said dryly

One night, shortly after the harvest had been gathered, the members of New Hope had gathered around the central fire-pits for the evening songs. Neal had had the full extent of his gift at his disposal, and had set about devising a charm which could hold the sound of songs, and could replay the songs again should you wish it. Iveni, the large blacksmith from the Eastern Hills, and one of the finest armourers and metalworkers Kel had encountered, had already constructed some wedding bands for both Lord Raoul and Buri. Neal used the bands as the charm to activate the "real-past-illusion" as he called it, and had captured a particularly beautiful rendition of a Sarain love ballad that the New Hope residents had sung. Should Raoul and Buri be separated, they only had to look to their ring fingers and they would have memories of their wedding celebrations afresh. It was a beautiful, thoughtful gift, one which had made the knights incredibly proud to offer their overlord, however, at that moment the last thing Kel wanted to recall was any memories of that night.

Merric continued to report, carefully avoiding mentioning anything more than necessary about the ceremony or celebrations, and just as carefully avoiding Kel's steely gaze.

_She really needs to get over it_ thought Merric as he began reading out the report from Giantkiller. _It's not like Dom doesn't feel the same! Even though it was very awkward...But she was always so focused on getting her shield that I don't think she ever really learned to relax and read other people's expressions and body language... Or maybe she did and she tucks it behind her mask..._ Merric's thoughts trailed off as he continued reading out squad assignments, taking care not to look at Kel when he read Dom's name.

_OR! Maybe she is in denial about my dear sweet cousin Domitan liking her back! _Neal mused. He looked at Kel. She seemed rigid with anger and disappointment in herself. _Everyone was getting a bit silly anyway! That hellion Owen was running around with his points untied and his breeches half down! She could have at least let Dom talk to her before we left this morning, instead of riding off before the rest of us had even had breakfast..._

Kel sat there, attempting to feign a polite interest in the conversation between Fanche and Neal regarding the placement of another medicinal herb crop. She felt like Peachblossom, temperamental and wanting to bite something like Neal, just for the pleasure of hearing him squeak. In fact, being with Peachblossom was where she would much rather be, so Kel got up with a look at Neal, a nod to Fanche, and left the mess.

The cool breeze refreshed Kel's senses, and she turned her face up to the inky night sky splattered with the brilliant white stars and crescent moon, the Goddess' lantern, wishing that there was some way that she could set things right with Dom. _That I could undeclare my stupid declaration of love_, _and at least keep my friendship with Dom in the very least._ She inhaled the crisp scent of the evening- wood smoke, nearby grass, horse manure- and walked into the stable towards Hoshi and Peachblossom.

Jump was curled up in the straw at the back of Hoshi's stable, and lazily opened an eye as if to tell Kel her time would be spent better sleeping than carrying on as she was. Hoshi whickered quietly, looking much better for a bit of rest and a good grooming. Peachblossom snorted and turned his head back towards his bucket of carrots that he was greedily working through.

Kel stepped into Peachblossom's stall and sank down against the wood of the stall, settling herself on a soft piece of straw. From this position, underneath Peachblossom's belly, she felt completely protected from any sadness and badness in the world. Kel closed her eyes against her bitter tears and rocked herself to sleep, trying to forget the hooting laughter that had come from the men of the infantry, the awful, lewd jokes that had been made at her expense for the rest of the night, but most of all, the look in Dom's eyes as he had looked away from her, and left. _Stupid, STUPID girl!_ Kel thought over and over, until her tears gave way to an exhausted sleep.

Unbeknownst to Kel, a little body looked over her from the loft above.

"All will be well, Protector of the Small, and sooner than you think," Irnai whispered, before rolling over and succumbing to her own deep sleep.

**A/N Okay, so I am aware that this chapter is a little depressing etc but WAIT! It is all a prelude to Chapter 3, which I have all planned out and am ready to start writing and it should be pretty good if I say so myself! I just needed a filler before I could get into the good stuff which is about to start happening very soon....**

**PLEASE review!!**


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N Thank you so much for all these beautiful reviews! Sorry it has taken me so long! Uni has been full on this week, and although this chapter is not my best writing, I just wanted to get it up already and keep the story rolling! This chapter was originally only supposed to be about two paragraphs long, and part of the next chapter, except that I liked where it was going so I stuck with it! **

***

Winter set in quickly in the north. Snow thickly blanketed the countryside, bringing about a peaceful silence to the area- the thundering of the warhorses and blaring of trumpets warning of attacks were not missed. Everyone could relax slightly, knowing that the Scanrans had no way of crossing the border until the first big thaw. Most of the New Hope animals spent the freezing winter in the stables, curled up on the straw, snoozing the day away. Kel caught Jump a few times sneaking out of the kitchens with a very meaty bone which was not intended for him, but she decided to let him keep it.

Lord Raoul, having been informed by Sir Neal that a particular Lady Knight was suffering a bout of mild depression, had re-assigned Sirs Owen, Seaver, Esmond, Iden, Warric, and Faleron to New Hope for the duration of winter, to assist in the internal construction of any buildings, as well as assisting the sergeants in the training of New Hope's residents.

_But their most important duty is to cheer up their commander_. _I have sent one of the maddest knights I know, and I expect some results!_ Wrote Lord Raoul in his dispatch with the six knights.

Kel cheered up quite considerably with more of the members of their 'study group' as Owen called it in residence at New Hope. The officer's barracks began to resemble something out of their page days, what with the ceaseless shouting at one another through closed doors, pranks, but most of all, the laughter. With the other knights present, Kel began to obsess less over the events of the autumn, and even began to smile again. The others did not comment on her changed demeanour, but rather accepted that most of the 'old Kel' was back.

***

During one particularly bad blizzard, the knights sat in the meeting room, completing correspondence. Neal attempted to write some Yamani poetry to Yuki, whilst the others sat writing reports or letters, or in Owen's case, more bad poetry aimed at Margarry of Cavall's eyebrow.

"Excuse me, sirs" Tobe stuck his in the room, panting. "Sir Neal is required at the infirmary. Lady Yuki has been there for the last hour throwing up, and she said not to tell you, except the midwife said it was rather important that you be there, except Lady Yuki said no, but I came and got you anyway because I don't think she can bring up much more, and truth to tell, it makes a fellow pretty sick watching a lady bring up her breakfast!"

Neal stood up, knocking his chair onto the floor, and made for the infirmary at a sprint, though he was hardly attired for a run outside in the freezing temperatures. Merric had even excused the squad supposed to be on watch today- no Scanran would be mounting an attack on a refugee camp when the visibility was as poor as it was, and the snow was at least six feet deep in the rest of the country-side.

Seaver got up and wandered around to Neal's spot, standing up Neal's chair, and had a brief look at what Neal had been writing, before letting out a low chuckle.

"Gods, it amazing Yuki let him court her at all! This is dreadful!" Seaver laughed. The others looked up with interest.

"What does it say?" Merric asked.

"_Yukimi is a lady who is married to a knight,_

_People think he's dashing because he puts up a good fight_

_Yukimi is so lucky because she married someone handsome,_

_If anyone kidnapped him, she would have to pay a ransom."_

The room erupted into hysterical laughter, and it was some minutes before anyone calmed down enough to speak.

"Mithros, that is bad! It's like an ode to himself" Faleron wiped his eyes.

"Do you remember back when we were pages and he was writing that dreadful poetry to another of his poor crushes?" Kel's hazel eyes twinkled with laughter at the memory

"Which one? I think he went through every woman at court!" replied Esmond, who was still catching his breath from laughing so hard

"Well, it was more what we did to him, with our standing under his window serenading him and then he dumped the bucket of water on Cleon," remembered Kel. Owen began to hum the song and the room dissolved into hysterics again.

When they had all finally calmed down, they returned to their respective tasks, only to be interrupted by the door being thrust loudly open. Neal stood there wringing his hands, his green eyes hectic and slightly red-rimmed from crying, his hair standing up at odd angles as though he had been running his fingers through it. The last time Kel had seen Neal anywhere near this distressed, he had been about to tell her that the Lioness had taken him on as a squire.

"Neal, what's wrong?" Kel asked worriedly, getting up to help him into his chair and pouring a cup of water for him. "Is Yuki okay?"

"She's fine. I'm fine. I... I am... Iamgoingtobeafather," Neal said in a rush, before gulping down the cup of water and running his fingers through his hair again.

"I beg your pardon Neal? We didn't quite catch that," Faleron said.

Neal poured another glass of water and downed it.

"I said... I am going to be a father."

The room was silent for a few seconds, before the cheers erupted. Owen began a war dance to the chant of "jolly, jolly, jolly" and it was some minutes before anyone could calm down enough to speak rationally. Tobe had run off to the mess after Neal's announcement, and returned with a plate of food and a bottle of wine (and juice for Yuki) for the knights to toast Neal and Yuki with.

***

The rest of the long winter continued in a happy state. Kel had been asked by Neal and Yuki to be the baby's godmother, a post which she accepted with tears of joy. Yuki's ever expanding belly was a source of great wonder to Kel, who despite all her nieces and nephews had never really spent time with a pregnant woman before. It gave the women something to giggle and plan over during the very long, cold winter.

Kel also had a mission in keeping Neal far away from Irnai, who he had begun to pester for visions of his child, which he claimed would help him prepare for the 'ordeal of parenthood' as he now called it. Kel, remembering the interesting tid-bits Irnai had slipped as they left Scanra, thought nothing would quite prepare Neal for his so-called ordeal.

Kel did cry herself to sleep a few times after the happy announcement, when she realised that she would probably never have the opportunity to have a family. She was nearly 21, and no man except Dom or Cleon had ever shown any interest in her. Cleon was now married, with a child of his own and another on the way, and Dom... Well, he obviously didn't want anything to do with her after her humiliating declaration. Kel battled with herself to think of other things, before succumbing to her sleep.

***

With the arrival of spring came the arrival of more fighting. King Maggur had retreated from the City of the Gods and the port of Frasrlund at the end of the autumn's fighting, and according to spy reports, had decided to spend his energies attacking along the main northern border. The Tortallans were quite sure that King Maggur was in his last year of rule. Some of the dispatches included reports that the northern clans of Scanra had refused to march with the army, and were looking to their own overlords for guidance.

One particular cloudy late spring morning, Kel had just begun her glaive practice when she was interrupted by the thundering of hooves into New Hope. _I didn't think it was that late in the morning that we already had our mounted patrols out,_ thought Kel as she manouvered her glaive into the position for the- broom- sweeps- clean. She had barely begun the cuts and chops of the more complicated move when a very loud voice yelling cut through her concentration.

"KEL!" yelled Owen from the doors of the mess, "YOU NEED TO GET OVER HERE NOW!" His tone of voice told her that it was important news, and she trotted over to the mess, glaive under her arm. Owen told her to leave it outside and follow him in. At one of the tables slumped a man covered in dirt and dripping with sweat, his hands shaking too badly to hold a cup to his mouth to drink. The other knights sat around him, as well as some of the sergeants and townsfolk. Neal was attempting to work a healing on him.

_That must have been the horse I heard_, thought Kel distantly. They heard her approach with Owen and the man tried to stand, only to collapse onto the bench again.

"Stay put Master Gavin," ordered Neal. "You are exhausted and your body is in shock. Tell us the news now that our commander is here, but forget protocol. We need to get you rested."

Gavin took a sip from his cup, slopping some of the liquid down his front. He swallowed and attempted to regain some composure, before looking up to find Kel.

"My lady, I bear bad news," he said quietly, his voice husky with over-use. "Some days ago a group came through via Fort Mastiff disguised as a pox-rotted merchant band. You remember how Riversedge was due to receive all the fur and gemstones from the Corus merchants to take through to Scanra?"

Kel and the others nodded. Gavin took another sip and continued.

"Some bandits caught wind of the plans and mounted an attack late last night, after those mud-sucking decoys got in through the gates. They burned Riversedge, or what they could burn, to the ground. Giantkiller saw the fire and sent two companies to investigate, but I am so sorry. They couldn't find any survivors."

_Dom was at Riversedge. Dom was dead._ The words span around Kel's head like a sick sort of mantra. Her ears roared and the room span. She was barely conscious of Owen holding her before she passed out.

***

**Right, please please please let me know what you thought! I'm not the greatest of humour writers, so any feedback would be FABULOUS! I have already planned the next two chapters, but to know what happens, you'll have to click that pretty green button... **

**Peace and Love xx**


	4. Chapter 4

**Thankyou for the beautiful reviews! **

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything except the plot and any names you don't recognise!**

**Let us now join Kel in her despair of losing her one true love....**

*******

It was a hard ride to Riversedge. The two squads that came were well acquainted with Dom's squad –Abel's squad had trained with Dom when they were posted at Mastiff, and Connac's squad had partnered with Dom's squad during their Scanran 'venture' 9 months before - and the air was palpable with tension and grief. Kel had turned into the stone she had always envisioned herself to be during her page and squire years, and currently had her best Yamani Mask yet on. On her right, Neal attempted to grieve quietly over the loss of his cousin, and Merric on his right murmured softly to Neal, in an attempt to soothe him. The other knights rode quietly, mostly just trying to focus on their mounts and wearing into their saddle sores- anything to keep reality away.

The acrid smell of smoke drifted along the otherwise sweet spring breeze, and the clouds grew overhead, shedding a bluish light over the ground, promising a downpour later. Seaver muttered to Faleron about how the rain would have been useful yesterday. The cold, calculating side of Kel- the only part of her which had not turned to stone- could only agree. Had the rain been but a day earlier, Riversedge would never have caught alight.

The smell of smoke grew stronger until the riding party's eyes burned with the dryness of the smoke, and the stench of death made many of their stomachs heave. They galloped around the corner, and Riversedge came into view.

The sight was something out of a nightmare.

Everywhere lay carnage. Corpses of people and animals lay everywhere, shot down in their attempts to escape. Wagons which had been used as shields were overturned, pierced with arrows. Near the wagons lay more bodies of Scanran soldiers and civilians, many missing limbs from sword or axe cuts, and their remains disfigured with burn marks. The river ran a dark brown, no doubt from the huge amount of blood that had been spilled. The town walls itself were still intact, a testimony to Numair's strength in the fire charms, but everywhere inside the town bore the mark of hard fighting. Kel was dimly aware of several of her men heaving their guts into the bushes behind her. All she could think of was that Dom's shell lay among the hundreds of dead before them.

Kel brought her hand down in a chopping motion, and the party moved down into the valley in two columns, with one of the squad members blowing a reply on their trumpet to signal they were friends. On the far end of the valley, one of Vanget's companies had begun assembling a funeral pyre for the villagers. Many of the soldiers- hard, battle-weary veterans- looked like they were struggling to hold themselves together. _It was really too much for a soul to bear anymore, all the death and destruction, _some thought to themselves. _The war had to finish soon_, others begged of Mithros. _It wasn't good for a person's soul_, thought Kel to the Goddess.

Once they reached Vanget, they picketed their horses near the waterfall at the top end of the valley. The water there would be clean for them and their mounts to drink, since it was upriver of all the fighting. Kel double checked with her spelled cork anyway. She couldn't afford to lose anyone else to something that was more easily preventable. After splashing some water on her face to rinse off the sweat, and re-settling her armour, she turned to talk with the others. Over the hill came Third Company of the Kings Own, led by Raoul. She didn't need her spyglass to see that even from here her former knight-master was upset. They rode towards Kel's group and picketed their horses a hundred metres upriver. Most of the men looked like they had been crying- Dom, Wolset, ___ and the others had been a comrade, a friend, a fellow prankster and each would be sorely missed.

Raoul beckoned Kel over. She had to check herself several times, to keep from crumbling into a crying mess. She had to be strong. She had to be stone. When she reached Raoul, he engulfed her in an enormous bear hug. They stayed this way for several minutes, until Raoul had to pull away to pull out a handkerchief to blot his tears.

"Kel..." he began softly, "You can't keep kicking yourself for a slip of the tongue months ago. You were still one of his best friends, and if anything, I think you helped things along. You know how thick the Queenscove line can be when it comes to women. Dom just needed a little push in the right direction." The comment about the Queenscove line earned Raoul an icy look from Neal, who then seemed to remember who he was glaring at and turned away quickly.

"I know si- Raoul," Kel replied softly, "I just... I just can't let my emotions get to me right now. I'll deal with them later. If I start thinking of the squad, and their squad leader, I don't think I'll be able to do anything for a long time."

"Kel, that's all very idealistic and well, but you are a mortal. We mortals are supposed to deal with these emotions, not lock them up or not feel them like something out of another realm. It is a part of our condition. What you are doing is... well, dangerous. Deal with your emotions now, not tomorrow, not ten years time... Think on it. You'll want to now anyway- I suspect we now have to help with the pyre." Raoul briefly hugged her again, and then moved off towards where Flyndan was standing with the other squad leaders.

Neal, who had conveniently been standing nearby- to inspect the horses and heal them should any ailments present themselves, he told Kel- came up to her and hugged her around her shoulders, and they then began moving slowly towards where Raoul stood.

"I said it many times as a page, Kel, and I will say it again. It is better to have loved and lost, then to have never loved at all. Dom, Gods rest him, may not be here anymore, but you loved him, and I believe he loved you too." Neal squeezed her shoulders and then let go to offer Kel his handkerchief. Her Yamani stone had cracked down the middle and her emotions were squeezing themselves out rather painfully.

Taking a deep breath, she steeled herself and walked on towards Raoul. Today was going to hurt.

***

Assembling the dead and debris for the funeral pyre was nauseating work. The only thing that kept many of them going was the sight of Stormwings lurking around the tree tops.

"Surely just the stench of the dead and the smoke would be enough for them to feed on for now," Owen said to the others as they pulled yet another wagon towards the pyre.

"They haven't had anything else to feed on for months, Owen. I'm surprised there aren't more," replied Esmond. Seaver murmured his agreement.

Owen opened his mouth to reply, and promptly shut it again. They were now downwind of the pyre and no-one wanted to use more air than they had to. It stank.

Slowly but surely, the valley began to resemble a warped version of its former self. There were three bright points during their cleanup duty- the arrival of three separate groups of survivors. Squads from Company Seven had been searching the outlying forest in a grid pattern, square mile by square mile. It was slow work, but to find even one survivor of this awful mess was more than enough reward. Neal and Emmet of Fenrigh, along with other several other healers, attended to the survivors. By lunchtime, they had found forty-three.

It gave them hope, but Kel, her stone facade already reduced to rubble, would not allow herself to hope. She had to face the truth. Dom was gone.

Kel spent the greater part of the afternoon consoling those who had survived. They were now under her care- they were to come back to New Hope that night. Kel had already sent Iden, Warric and Owen back to New Hope to inform Fanche of the situation. The 3 kinsmen were the more emotional out of the group- Iden and Warric were still very much green knights- and they had not been dealing well with the clean-up of the valley.

In the late afternoon, they lit the funeral pyre. Kel was grateful for the twilight sky which hid her hot, gushing tears. After the prayers to Mithros, Goddess and the Black God, they were dismissed to return to their respective forts. No-one wanted to sleep on the grounds where angry spirits might rest, and the funeral pyre would be a torch for them along the countryside.

After final words with Raoul and various other members of Third Company, Kel, Neal, Merric and the others mounted up and rode the three miles back to New Hope. The tenseness of the ride from that morning was gone, replaced with a deep, unspoken aching and grief. The sight of the flames crawling up the funeral pyre was one that would not be forgotten. Many of the men wept openly, Kel among them. The ride went quickly. Kel passed the time by reviewing all the lists of things that the new Riversedge refugees would need, though she was sure that Fanche was well on top of things. Her eyes, meticulously trained to scan the woods for any sign of enemy movement, occupied themselves with observing every detail in the forest- any fresh tracks which might lead to any more survivors, any differentiation in the woods that they had ridden through that morning.

Anything that would lead her to Dom. They hadn't found any of the squad's bodies in the valley, but that meant nothing to Kel and her men. There were endless possibilities as to where their remains could be.

The torchlight of New Hope was a welcome sight. Even more welcome were Tobe and his friends, on hand to care for their horses. Kel felt guilty, but her every bone ached from the endless moving and carting of all the debris in the valley. Kel thanked the two squads which had worked so hard with them that day, and headed towards headquarters, and her bed.

Fanche and Saefas greeted her in the meeting room with a light supper- having obviously heard reports from Owen, Warric and Iden, they knew better than to press any business or have a lot of food around. The knights and soldiers had been able to keep down little during the day.

Kel returned their greetings with a nod, and settled into a chair. She attempted to eat her supper, only to give up after a few bites. Instead, she sipped some water.

"How are the refugees, Fanche?" Kel asked.

"They have settled in one of the newer barns' lofts. They are as well as any of us who have been through that ordeal can be. Cook fed them a hearty soup, and the other healers and midwives have given them some restorative teas," Fanche said quietly, her brown eyes soft as she looked at Kel. "We just wanted to make sure that you were okay. Owen and the other two have been put to bed with a sleeping tea."

"Vanget also sent a messenger along requesting that an extra squad detail is out during the next week or so. There is word of another planned attack on Mastiff, but he also needed someone to grid search the area around the mines tomorrow," continued Saefas.

Kel nodded, and leaned back to close her eyes, weary to the bone. How in the Goddess' name was she going to make it to bed.

Saefas and Fanche left with a quiet goodnight, passing Neal in the narrow corridor. He came and sat next to Kel, holding her hand with his shimmering emerald one.

"Don't wear yourself out Neal, you did a huge amount today," Kel mumbled. She didn't really mean what she said, and Neal knew it. They sat in silence for a time, until Neal pulled his hand away. Kel opened her eyes, and with great effort, pulled herself up into a standing position.

"Kel..." Neal drew his hand inside his tunic. "I know you need to sleep, but before you do, I just need to tell you something. Dom wrote me a letter shortly after the wedding, and he made me promise, should anything happen to him, that I give you this."

He pulled out a battered piece of parchment, and gave it to Kel, then walked her to her room before continuing to his.

Once inside, Kel lit a candle, and opened the piece of parchment with hands that shook. On it, in Dom's scrawling hand, was written:

_Dear Kel,_

_If you are reading this letter, its because I am no longer among the mortal realms, and I never got the courage to tell you how I feel, and have felt, for a very long time. Should I have failed myself, and you, in my stupidity, I only hope that I might rectify this when we meet again in the Peaceful Realms. _

_I am in love you, Keladry of Mindelan. Your courage, strength of spirit, and determination to see things through inspired me to be a better person. I often found myself lost in daydreams where you and I are together. You saying you loved me at Raoul's wedding led me to hope that somehow, someway my feelings truly were reciprocated. I tried to find you the morning after the wedding to tell you that the only reason I could say nothing to you was because I was so shocked and then so unbelievably happy._

_I hope the reason I haven't received a reply to the hundreds of letters I wrote to you after the wedding is because Neal has been censoring the mail, and not because you wanted nothing to do with me._

_Please forgive me,_

_Yours forever,_

_Dom_

The last of Kel's stone facade crumbled, and she surrendered to her tears, sobs racking her body for what felt like hours. In the early hours of the morning, Kel slipped into an exhausted sleep. Her last conscious thought was _If only we had had more time_

***

**A/N Happy Easter! PLEASE PLEASE REVIEW!!! Sorry if it was too gory, but really, we shouldn't try and escape the reality that thousands of people face on a daily basis from war, disease and famine.**

**Peace and Love, Lady Louboutin**


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N Sorry it has taken me so long to update! I have been ridiculously busy lately, and I apologise! Thank you so so so much for all of the AMAZING reviews- I have really tried hard to incorporate your feedback into my story, hence another reason why it has taken me so long to update. Please remember that this is my very first FF! **

**Enjoy & please review!!!**

*******

_When you're dreaming with a broken heart, the waking up is the hardest part. You roll out of bed and down on your knees, and for a moment you can hardly breathe_

- John Mayer "Dreaming with a Broken Heart"

Despite her late bedtime of the night before, Kel was up at dawn. Her bones ached and her heart felt like a fist squeezed it, pumping the blood at painful intervals, but a small part of her admitted that it felt better than the coldness of the stone which had encased her the previous day. After splashing cold water on her face, cleaning her teeth and tying back her hair, Kel pulled on some tan breeches and a light cotton shirt, and tucked Dom's letter into her shirt pocket. It was the very last piece of him that she had, and she wanted to keep it near her heart.

Kel grabbed her glaive and stumbled downstairs. The rain from yesterday had decided to set in, cooling down the earth and bringing with it a beautiful white mist which floated in the air. Kel inhaled deeply, and finding a drier spot behind headquarters, she began the familiar lunges and twists of her pattern dances. After working up a considerable sweat, she finished her dance with a stomp and turned to see a bleary eyed Neal leaning against the wall of headquarters.

"Your stomping woke me and my pregnant wife, dearest Protector of the Small," he commented dryly, following her round to the front of the building, where Kel ducked inside to stow her glaive.

"I doubt that Neal," Kel replied, and ducked inside headquarters to stow her glaive. "Yuki sleeps through anything lately, and you don't look like you've slept at all," Kel noted when she reappeared. They turned and headed towards the mess, and on the way were joined by Merric, Faleron and Seaver, who all looked as tired, sore and depressed as Kel felt.

In the mess they were greeted with nods by the rest of the knights and a large pile of correspondence- yesterday was usually the day that they received their weekly correspondence from the other forts. After getting her breakfast- porridge with raisins and honey, bread, ham, cheese and juice- Kel settled onto a bench with a sigh and began to read the reports. The usual breakfast banter was gone, replaced with quiet requests for different condiments to be passed, and quiet comments on the reports each knight read. No-one mentioned anything of the day before, except about who would be riding on the patrols later that morning.

Most of the reports gave the same message. The Scanrans were mounting another attack, this time aimed at Fort Mastiff. Lord Raoul wrote that he had set up traps in the forest area around the fort, so if, for some wild reason, they were to come and visit before Thursday when they were expecting the attack, could they please stick to the road? Raoul also wrote that he would need the other knights back when the summer fighting began again. Kel thought that the traps were a rather clever, underhanded idea of Raoul's. As she had learned during her time in the north with the Own, Scanrans loved setting up traps- she hadn't forgotten Sergeant Osbern's tears and gruff warnings at the funerals of Gildes of Veldine- and the traps would not be expected from the Tortallans, who preferred to fight honourably.

Lord Wyldon's report included a reminder that Kel, Neal and Merric were due to report in person at Giantkiller tomorrow week, their first such in person report since last autumn. Though Kel was now twenty-one and much more experienced in the ways of command, Wyldon still requested monthly visits, to make sure that Kel and Merric had everything under control, and it was because Neal hadn't started drugging the water. Wyldon and Neal still had a very interesting relationship, though Neal was not as hard on Wyldon as he had been when they were younger. Rather, there was a grudging respect between the two battle-weary knights. Kel looked forward to the trip, mainly because she believed that a change of scenery would do her good.

Kel finished reading the last report from Vanget, whose report read much the same as Daine, Wyldon and Raoul, and closed it with a sigh. He reminded them to be extremely vigilant on their patrols, as the general forces would be spread quite thinly over the rest of the border as Vanget had sent five companies to help defend Mastiff. While she had been reading, a courier had also arrived with a letter from Vanget reminding them of their extra patrol duties.

Kel drank the rest of her juice, put her cup down, then sat back and surveyed her companions. Neal was still reading the reports, as was Merric. Seaver, Esmond and Faleron had gone to get more breakfast- they had already wolfed down two servings each. Owen, Iden and Warric sat, each avoiding the others gaze, and each of them looking extremely depressed. Kel saw Tobe coming through the doors of the mess hall towards her and smiled. She knew how to get their minds off things, at least for a little while.

"Boys," Kel said softly, startling them from their unpleasant reveries. They each straightened a little in their chairs and looked at Kel.

"I have a very dangerous and important mission for you three, should you choose to accept it." The three young men's faces showed equal looks of despair, horror and resignation. "As you know, King Jonathan has given approval for New Hope to be established as a fortress town, creating the need for more resources within our hallowed walls." _I sound like Neal_, Kel thought to herself wryly. "Since we are still awaiting the arrival of more priests from the Mithra cloisters to educate the children, the task falls on you three for the time being."

Iden started to protest, but Kel shook her head and continued. "Owen, you shall be in charge of instructing the children in literacy. Iden, you shall be in charge of mathematics, and Warric, as you have the Gift, you will be teaching all the students about different kinds of magics, beginning with instructions in herb-lore - there is a lot used of it here in the north. Tobe, could you please see to it that these three are properly acquainted with Mistress Rosa?" Her young servant grinned and led the three bewildered knights away, chattering about their future students and how underhanded it was of Lady Kel to pick two of the greenest knights for what was sure to be a difficult job.

Kel watched them go with a smile on her face. She knew very well that the young of New Hope would keep her youngest knights hopping about after them. She gave herself a pat on the back for an idea well conceived, then stood up, stretched, and looked about for Neal. It was time to ride out on their patrols.

*****

The forest that the knights rode through was peaceful. The distant chatter of the sparrows scouting around their party was comfortable, as was the pitter-pattering of raindrops through the treetops. Peachblossom, perhaps sensing the state that Neal was in, kept sidling closer and closer towards his favourite target, and kept getting pulled up by Kel just before he struck. After a while, Peachblossom tired of the game and looked around for other targets. Kel kept an eye on him, but was too immersed in her own thoughts to really pay Peachblossom the attention he should have been getting when up to his tricks.

A mile out from Riversedge, their riding party split up. Hevlor's squad, accompanied by Merric, Faleron and Seaver, were to loop around the high side of the mines; Kel, Neal, and Esmond with Adner's squad were going to scout the bottom of the mines, with all its rabbit warren entries and exits. "A good place to hide a company or two," Esmond had commented upon seeing the maps. They would regroup three miles down the southern road from the mines, and would then ride their normal patrols back to New Hope in a ten-yard spaced formation, to optimise any chances of finding survivors.

"Remember, we use New Hope horn signals to communicate around here," Merric reminded everyone. "I don't want us getting caught out like the guards at Riversedge were." Everyone made the Sign against Evil at the mention of the Riversedge bandits. Kel nodded at the other patrol group, and put her helmet on. Unlike the other knights and soldiers who wore full armour, she had decided to stick with wearing chainmail, with the exception of her helmet. The last time she had worn her armour out in the rain, she had had to scour it every day for a week.

"Sapa, can you and your friends go with Merric?" she asked Nari's partner. "Nari and the rest of the flock will stay with us." Kel, Neal and Esmond gave each other a final visual check, to make sure everything was in place, and then shut their visors. Kel and Adner were riding as forward scouts for this particular patrol, and they set off quietly into the depths of the forest, Kel on the left flank and Adner on the right.

Kel quickly became lost in the sounds of the forest, and absorbed the green calmness of her surrounds into her. Much of the forest she rode through now had not been ridden through for a while. Every so often she would see Adner on his bay mare through the brush- they kept their hand-signalling with each other to a bare minimum. Neither of them wanted to be caught out by an enemy archer.

Adner and Kel cleared the trees and entered the mines, regrouping with the rest of their patrol. The sparrows were flying about, diving through the myriad of entries and exits on the upper levels of the quarry. Kel surveyed the ground before her. Although the sparrows hadn't found anything, Kel felt uneasy. Something didn't feel quite right.

It was Esmond who found the tracks of what appeared to be a raiding party as they rode out of the mines.

"They look fresh – probably only hours old," he told the others. Tavita, one of the corporals in Adner's squad, dismounted and inspected the tracks more thoroughly. He was one of the best trackers Kel had ever met.

"One company of Scanran soldiers. See here?" he pointed at a hoof mark in the dirt. "The Scanrans shod their horses in a different type of metal. The rest of the company left at dawn, but it appears that these tracks belong to the squads whose duty it was to clean up here and join them at Mastiff. They would have left not even a half hour ago- they'll still be in the area."

"Gods curse it," Esmond swore, flipping his visor down again and wheeling his warhorse towards the road. Tavita scrambled into the saddle, and the patrol group galloped down the road to be met with the peeping alarm of the sparrows. The enemy had stayed even closer than they'd thought.

Rounding the corner, Neal found Merric's patrol group already engaged with the enemy five hundred metres down the road, moving towards a murky part of the forest. There were two squads of them, with a nasty looking wizard standing at the back of their party. Though Seaver was trying to blow the horn to warn Kel's group, no sound was coming out – the wizard was stopping it, and also appeared to be laying a freezing spell on the Tortallans.

"Neal!" Kel shouted. "Tallavo!" It was the Yamani word for wizard, and their word which meant she needed his help to take the wizard out. Neal pumped his fist in a 'yes'- she wouldn't have seen it if he nodded - and seconds later she saw his emerald fire streaming out of the tip of his lance. At this distance, he needed something to channel his magic through so it wouldn't lose its power. Kel grabbed her bow and a griffin-fletched arrow from the quiver off her back and loosed, quickly following it with a second arrow. She saw with great satisfaction that her arrows lodged in the wizards throat, and he dropped from the saddle with a surprised look on his face.

Now that the major threat to the New Hope squads seemed to be gone, Esmond led their squad in a full gallop towards the enemy, hitting them from the flank with a crushing force. Kel was immediately engaged by a shaggy bear of a man, who parried madly at her saddle, trying to cut her saddle straps loose. Peachblossom reared and wheeled, bucking at the man and kicking him clean from the saddle. Kel wheeled him round again and finished him off with a glaive cut to the throat. Shoving her glaive into its holster on her saddle, she drew Griffin instead. The skirmish had moved into the dank forest Kel had seen from the mines, and she didn't have enough room to use her glaive effectively.

There were only a few Scanrans left now. Kel, about to turn and join Seaver and Esmond to close up their ranks, became acutely aware of a grunting presence behind her. She bought her shield up just in time to deflect the blow of the double edged broadsword the other man was wielding, and parried his blow with a cut to his stomach, and followed through with another blow to the man's shoulder. Breaking away, he wheeled his pony over to Kel's blind side. Kel turned, and saw what looked like a squad of more soldiers approaching on foot through the shrubbery of the bushes.

Yelling a warning to Seaver and Merric, she turned just in time to deflect and parry another of his blows, this time with a cut to his un-armoured thigh. Swearing, he taunted Kel, desperate to gain some edge over her. She brought Griffin up in a crescent-moon sweep, and cut into his other shoulder. Gasping, he fell from the saddle, and Kel turned to see a sight that made her ears roar and her world stop.

---- Flashback ----

_One of the sledge guards, a tall, broad-shouldered young man, dismounted from his horse. Bright blue eyes blazed and a broad grin flashed in a face splattered with mud. _

----End Flashback----

Kel was dumb to everything around her. She was having battle dreams, she was sure of it. There was no way the owner of such unforgettable eyes and his squad could be standing in front of her, covered in mud and looking like something from the Chaos Realms, but nonetheless alive. Kel couldn't move, couldn't say a word. Her whole body was paralysed with shock.

Dom seemed to be concerned, and Kel watched as he and the other men around her opened their mouths to tell her something. Dumbly, Kel wondered if it was to tell her they were alive, to shake her from this paralysed state. She leaned forward, trying to hear what was said, when a white-hot pain shot through her left shoulder, quickly replaced with a hot, liquid-like feeling, as if she was leaking from her shoulder. It stung.

Another blow, even deeper this time and even more painful. Kel screamed and dropped from the saddle, never taking her eyes from those beautiful blue eyes in front of her. She was gone before she even hit the ground.

***

**A/N Okay, so yes, Dom isn't really dead. And that was a hopefully kind of evil cliff hanger! Not to worry, it's the last bit of drama I have planned for our lovers!**

**This is a Kel/ Dom ROMANCE + HUMOUR fic, and there is nothing romantic (or even remotely legal) about necrophilia. Maybe in another FF, I might do a grief story, but not this one. Sorry! **

**I didn't even plan for any of what I have written to have even happened, I just went on an instinct. What do you all want to see in the next few chapters? I don't really know where to go from here....**

**Please review- let me know what you are thinking, what you liked / didn't like etc! I really appreciate everything!**

**Peace and Love, Lady Louboutin**


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